Codependency is chronic self-neglect.
Before I ever started my healing journey, I told myself that I'd never be in a codependent relationship, and I refused to see any signs of it in myself. In fact, I even thought of myself as fully independent. I thought I knew exactly who I was.
Looking back, my self-concept was only a projection of who I truly wanted to be, but wasn't yet. I just wasn't willing to see that yet.
I didn't see it til I was in a 3-year codependent relationship that was on the fritz. It fit almost all of the qualities listed in the graphic.
That relationship was a mirror showing myself to me, but instead of doing inner work to heal, I was focused on either changing my partner or changing myself enough to where we managed to simply coexist.
There was lots of pain in the relationship even within the first 6 months, but instead of taking that as a sign to exit, I ignored it and spent 3 years of my life either trying to repair the relationship or merely avoiding stuff that would make it worse.
You might call this "relationship survival mode". Anytime you're in a constant state of survival, it wreaks havoc on mind, body & soul.
I want you to know there's no shame in recognizing that you're codependent. In fact, if the shoe fits, just friggin wear it. Admit it and be accepting of it, bring loving consciousness to it.
Because it's not your fault that you are.
It's a pattern of behavior learned in childhood when our own emotional needs as children were not met, and we played roles to receive love and survive.
But just because it's not your fault doesn't give you excuse to avoid taking responsibility for yourself. In fact, doing so is the ONLY way to overcome codependency and heal trauma.
In healthy secure partnerships, people do not betray their own needs in exchange for love. They prioritize their needs and desires so they can show up authentically in the relationship ready to give and receive intimacy.
When you end the pattern of self-betrayal and heal your trauma, you transmute it into self-love, empowering you to evolve out of codependency.
If you want to learn how to heal from self-betrayal, DM me for a free 60-min coaching call.